Linux 5ucks on the desktop!

I’m using Linux for some years now. It provides a very robust server operating system. With Linux you have high performance file systems, intelligent process handling, transparent configuration and very stable server software. You can have Linux for free, its software is open-source, thousands of programmers care for quality assurance. It really works.
But some think that Linux could replace Microsoft Windows on the PC. Windows is a great gaming platform, and some admins even go that far and use it on their servers! Similarly, some Linux enthusiasts placed Linux onto their PC or notebook. They believe, the time is now ripe for a desktop revolution. I also tried it, but, in my eyes, Linux is not usable on the desktop for ordinary people as long as:

• You have to know that there could be a hidden file named .lpoptions in your home directory which disturbs your printing system. Whatever you set in the print dialogs, that hidden file overrules your settings and makes you cursing why the prints are always rotated by 90° and therefore only covering one half of the paper.
• You have to know the exact names of your programs. Those names almost won’t have anything to do with their function, e.g., if you’re searching for an audio editor, you have to know that it’s called Audacity. If you want to use a video editor, install the package Cinelerra. If you want to use a CD-burning program, it has the dazzling name K3b. Your file-browser is called Nautilus. Or do you prefer Konqueror? Would you guess the function of Rosegarden or Lilypond? What about Evolution? Liferea? This list doesn’t end. Ask a Linuxian about which software you could use for this and that, he/she’ll answer you to use Crixycraxy, or something like that, and you wouldn’t remember that name even if you used that software. And: Your favorite web-browser Firefox might be called Iceweasel on some Linux distro. This is because Linux freaks don’t like software which becomes too popular.
• Programs don’t show error messages on the X-screen. Imagine you click on an icon to launch a certain program, but then nothing happens. You do it twice, nothing happens. WTF? You have to open a terminal, type in the name of that program (Do you know its name??) and then figure out the error messages on the terminal.
• You cannot play MP3s and DVDs legally on your PC. Boom! If that ain’t a reason not to use Linux!
• You cannot simply use the power-saving features of your notebook. This is because hardware manufacturers simply don’t support Linux. You have to search the web if some hacker already found a hack, but it would only work for another model, not for yours. And if something works, then only half. If you break your notebook, you’re on your own, because the hacker didn’t grant you warranty. GPL is like: Be so free, use it so freely, but never be safe.
• You cannot simply use WLAN. You have to put up another Linux box with a WLAN adapter and set up a VPN connection between your PC/notebook and that Linux box. At least that is what Linux gurus tell you to do.
• You have to be a real Linux expert to set up a GPRS modem connection via Bluetooth to your cellphone. There’s no software which does it for you. I can do it! Be sure your USB Bluetooth adapter is recognized and that the bluez-utils are installed and the kernel module is loaded. Curse around because you don’t manage to set up the Bluetooth connection because of that stupid PIN. Google around. Finally ping your phone successfully and copy its cryptic hardware number into the configuration file. Then set up a rfcomm mapping, the device /dev/rfcomm0 is then your modem. You have to configure a profile with the correct modem codes for use with GPRS. Then use it for your dialup configuration. It’s just as simple!

Linux is for hackers only. It always was and will always be so. Linux freaks waste their time compiling software, reading hundrets of e-mails on a text terminal, use IRC and Usenet and even browse the web in text terminals. Linux users don’t play games, at least no graphical ones. OpenGL is for stylish screensavers only.
Linux enthusiasts are pretty cool. They are hackers. Lots of textlines scroll over their X-desktop, just like in The Matrix. They encrypt their e-mails. If you want to be as cool, become it on your own. If you ask one of them to help you with your problem with Linux, they are unpolite and correct your misspellings. Linux freaks are assholes. I am one of them.